TubaOrNotTuba

Another whole year has gone by, and the night has arrived. We’ll finally confirm what we all know; the next American Idol is named David. But first, some diversion.  A really big show as Ed used to say, right here on our stage. And what a stage, and what a theatre, and what a cast of thousands to watch from the choice seats (seven thousand, according to the little seafoam fellow). Let’s get started.

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All over but the crocodile tears; American Idol has allowed the Final Three to show their skills to all of us at home. Even those up here in Canada that can’t vote. I tried via the home phone line, and then again via Skype; my vote doesn’t count when the American dream is at hand. Only fair I guess, because I didn’t buy any tickets to the big tour, or download any iTune content, or even purchase a small bottle of Coca-Cola to show that the dream was mine.

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Now that I go to bed early (because waking up is hard to do), I’ve had to swear off late-night TV. No more monologues from the triumvirate, or goofy walk-ons from the cinematic butterflies that have a new movie to flog. Except that once in a while, sleep remains elusive and I’ll find the two remotes needed to get a picture up on the wall above our bed. Like last night, when I stumbled across a documentary.

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So, which one of the fans got a little excited this time? In a world where basic city police techniques are taught by the cast of The Simpsons, does it really matter? Last night there was a hockey game. Last night the hometown team won. Last night there was no system of functional law in place in downtown Montreal. Are we clear on all the facts here?

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Up here in Canada, there are a certain number of things that are inevitable; snow, mosquitoes, cascaded taxes, potholes and hockey on TV. Given the number of sports networks, the value to advertisers and the propensity of a certain subset to stare fixedly at any screen with a black dot, hockey rises to the top of the subject vat this evening. It’s not my fault.

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The east coast of Canada has been invaded by clowns. Forget the rhetoric; the whole protest against the seal hunt is one designed to receive as much press coverage as possible. I won’t bother naming those involved, because there is no need to give them any more public  presence than they’ve already garnered.

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Strangest thing… I just hung up the phone, after a long distance call from a pollster, wanting to know if I supported the current prime minister. The only reply is “Of course. I support them all. I pay taxes”. Without getting lost in the maze of twisty little passages (complete with a thief that steals all your belongings), I now wonder if an election is closer than it appears in the mirror. It would be silly to go out on the hustings at a time when most voters can’t find their own houses due to the snowfall.

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Any time we mention health care up here in Canada, there’s a sense of pride that we have a system, an admission that it costs a lot of money and a whispered prayer that someone will find a magic bullet to reduce the whole pyramid scheme to something we can afford. Well, perhaps not a pyramid; think of it as a really big ball carried on the backs of a collected multitude.

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A notice to the commercial recording industry of America; you can keep your junk food. This year, my house is Grammy-free (this has nothing to do with grandmothers, for those who are easily confused!). Moreover, it isn’t because we can’t receive the telecast, but because we are disinterested, to a man. I will let the woman speak for herself.

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One of those strange synchronistic moments came this evening as I flipped through the channels. On a local news outlet, the report that the refinery across the river had a slight leak, due to a fissure in a pipeline. Ever since yesterday afternoon, when someone happened to notice some new black on white detailing on a hillside heading down toward the river, the crews have been working hard to “pick up” an estimated 8000 litres of viscous oil. [[On February 01, the refinery updated their estimate to 200,000 litres; time to replace the calculator battery]]

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