The Cook is in the kitchen
Another whole year has gone by, and the night has arrived. We’ll finally confirm what we all know; the next American Idol is named David. But first, some diversion. A really big show as Ed used to say, right here on our stage. And what a stage, and what a theatre, and what a cast of thousands to watch from the choice seats (seven thousand, according to the little seafoam fellow). Let’s get started.
The list will take two hours to cover, but I’ll keep this short on details. After all, you’ve probably watched along with the rest of the continent, because this is the most popular program on TV. We’ll open with a duet by the two Davids (remember, I already know the winner’s name…), followed by Syesha and Seal. Wow! Name talent this early in the evening is a good sign.
Jason will deliver a reprise of Hallelujah, and I’m saying hallelujah that we’re through with the hair that sings. On to a medley of Donna Summer songs by the six girls, to announce the arrival of Donna! Disco still works! She hasn’t aged a bit! Hallelujah! Carly and Michael Johns will do a decent cover of “The Letter”. I might still have the 45 rpm of that one knocking around the old homestead. Remember, American Idol is not about new music.
The six boys now bring up some music by Bryan Adams, in order to intro Bryan and his guitar. Canada rocks! Let’s not lose the thread here: the announcement of a new Disney Theme Park pavillion devoted to AI could be a forerunner of an Archuleta win. He is so ready for a life in Orlando. David Cook then does a great front for ZZ Top; could this be his career development; a front for a really old rock band? We’ll know soon. Brooke and Graham Nash (remember, all old hits all the time on Radio AI) and we’re into the intermission.
Some “boy band” that had their name blotted out by screamie-meemies are now on stage. The identification of them as the Jonas Brothers still leaves me bewildered. Little matter. Barely time to catch my breath and get a refill of my “not Coke” cola before the start of the Worst Of tape. Wow, only a few months ago? We do have short term memory for this whole business. The “I Am Your Brother” guy is onstage, with the USC Marching Band. So that’s what he’s been doing. As long as the unknown talent chapter is with us, here’s One Republic (a guy and a piano) and the little David. Short lapse in talent. We can’t forget where we’ve been, so Jordin Sparks does something completely forgettable, and we’re on to some good fun.
How about Gladys Knight, with a backing trio (Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Robert Downey Jr) to help you remember that we’re still in the shadow of Hollywood. And right on the hem of the dress is Carrie Underwood, without one. If the camera pans any higher, we’ll get arrested. Bring on the top twelve as a nudge to the career of George Michael, who’s going back on the road. And cue the final few minutes.
Randy, Paula and Simon are on their best behavior this evening, because this isn’t their show. The accountant with the envelope is onstage, the votes have been counted, we’re primed, we’re tense, we’re relieved. The Cook is in the kitchen and the planet didn’t wobble in its orbit. Another forty-two nights of “anticipation” are over, and I still believe Carly should have won. There. No more AI for another eight months. Just some pictures, to help us remember what is and what might have been.
While all this was going on, the rest of the family was trying to contact the game warden, to rescue a skunk caught in a trap. You should have heard that one being explained to 9-1-1…
