Lies and damned lies
I have always believed in free telephone service. I’ve spent a lifetime pursuing the principle. Some examples of my frugality in the personal telecommunications area would have to include the following,
- Telephone in the family home [check]
- Telephone on the university residence plan [check]
- Phone patching via the amateur radio network [check]
- Money abandoned in the pay phone coin chute [check]
- VOIP via Skype, SIP, etc [check]
In all cases, I managed to talk to somebody without spending a dime. But, all good things must end. Recently, through an administrative oversight (my bad), we received our first intrafamilial cell phone contract, and today the very first statement of account arrived in the mailbox. Sticker shock.
The salesman had been unequivocal; the whole shebang would only cost about $25 per month. No hidden fees, no hidden fees, no lies. Flat pricing, as a reward for being a civil servant. A really cheap model of telephone, but this was basic service, so it didn’t matter terribly. Cell phone are necessary; no emergency should be without one. As I said, my bad (for being so gullible). Since we’re here, let’s look at a lie in print.
The statement is in French, although my rue became a St (Saint?). Postal code, telephone no. Both on target. The remainder is a freeform translation, although the numbers don’t lie.
Monthly fees—————————- 24.95
Other fees—————————— 22.46
Use and long distance——————— 03.30
Taxes (GST)—————————– 02.53
Taxes (TVQ)—————————– 04.02
Total of charges————————- 57.26
Rebate——————————— (35.00)
Now the flim-flam kicks in…
Monthly fees
Preferential 15.25 – 36 minutes————— 15.25
includes conference calls and call waiting
Access to network———————— 08.95
911 charges —————————- 00.75
Other charges
Connection charges———————– 35.00
Access to network———————— 08.95
911 charges —————————– 00.75
prorated for less than month—————- 08.73
Preferential 15.25 – 36 minutes————— 15.25
includes conference calls and call waiting
prorated for less than month—————- 13.73
Promotional rebate———————— (35.00)
Use and long distance
Preferential 15.25 – 36 minutes
at 00.00/minute for 58:00 minutes———– 0.00
Daytime 45:00
Evening 3:00
Weekend 6:00
1X data service at 51.20/Mb
use 0.0616 Mb————————— 3.15
text message1 time———————– 0.15
text message from Internet—————– 0.00
client support message——————– 0.00
Taxes
GST———————————— 2.53
TVQ———————————— 4.02
Total of current charges——————– 57.26
OK, are we all confused yet? Let’s recap.
The salesman said $25/month
The real cost for less than a month: $57.26 which pays for 58 minutes of actual cellphone use and several days trying to keep the beast charged up. Cost per minute, about one dollar. Months to run on the contract; thirty-five more. It’s not exactly what we expected, it’s not exactly what we wanted, but because we believed a salesman, it’s exactly what we deserve. There’s nothing quite like a stupid sucker, eh what? Now if I can get the Bluetooth feature to work, we can even use it in the car, while we’re mobile. Or rather, someone else can use it. I’m going back to free phone services where’ere I may be.
This just in: my better half believes that the bill is actually for two months, although I fail to see how that will work. Did I mention something about living with an optimist?
