The instinct to wash
Should one be more exasperated with the climate or the stupid behavior it engenders in people? Hard call; after receiving the largest snowfall in recorded history (for this city) people are weary. People want their green lawns and patio chairs. People will act oddly if the opportunity appears.
The newspapers and the radio are warning local citizens to stop washing their snowbanks. The black, brown and grey splotches are a form of camouflage, much like that found on my son’s snowboarding jacket. Dazzling white snowbanks would be hard on the eyes of drivers, now that the sun is shining again. The reflex of my neighbour (usually demonstrated by demonic bursts of driveway and Jeep washing) has been redirected to the towering banks, and the city has a problem with the use of chlorinated, fluoridated, filtered and pumped water for the exercise (in futility). Stop acting like a raccoon with a dirty sugar cube.
I’m unable to find the excess energy necessary to shovel out the back yard, trying to find a hose to then spray water which will freeze the banks into their sempiternal form. Nor will I come home from work to shovel those same piles into the street (apparently legalized by our mayor of many interests). Time is on my side. There has never been a snowbank on the lawn come July, and that’s only a few weeks away. To my neighbours; I have to remind you that even though you give the snow the death by a thousand cuts, you only win the undeclared race by a day or so each year. Not worth a coronary. The “snow-dometer” seems frozen at 558.2 cm.
As well, the city has an incremental fine structure: first offense, $150. Subsequent offense, $1000. And I would take pleasure in denouncing you to the civic authority. What’s that number again? is it 1-800-DONOTWASHTHESNOWBANKWITHAHIGHPRESSUREHOSE.
